GETTING PREGNANT WITH TECHNOLOGY.

This journal is dedicated to all the couples whom are married and are able to parent a child but for some reason did not want to. If only you can feel how difficult it is for us to have a baby, you wont think twice of having one. Having a child is a miracle to any couple.

We first courted the KL Fertility Centre (KLFC) on 2 May 2014 last year (read First KLFC Visit) and went for a second visit four days later. After trying out with failure the option 1 as detailed in the KLFC second visit blog post and tried all other conventional methods to get pregnant, we decided to go through the modern technology of pregnancy via the Intra Cytoplasmic Sperm Injection or better known as ICSI. This blog is our journey through the ICSI. Perhaps, as an expectation for other couple undergoing the same procedures.

We called the KLFC on Thursday, 15th January 2015 to informed KLFC that we had opted for the ICSI and was told to visit the KLFC on the first day of period for a scan. The friendly nurse had explained in detail over the phone the expected cost and the procedures. The maximum cost is estimated at RM22,000 including the cost of embryo freezing, blood test etc. We were very excited and impatiently count down for that first day. 

Day 1 Period, Saturday, 17 January 2015: Anny had her first day menstruation on late Saturday and as explained by the nurse, we need to visit the clinic on Monday.

Day 3 Period: We arrived early at KLFC on Monday, 19 January 2015. Dato Dr Prashant was away and we met the cheerful Dr Helena Lim Yuen Hsuen instead. It was our first encounter with Dr Helena and Anny loves her. She was friendlier and she is a female doctor. Anny feels awkward having a male doctor and we debated on continuing with Dr Helena or Dr Prashant. Dr Prashant is more senior and have more experience.

We both did an E2 and P4 blood check and Anny was scanned for cysts. Blood test was good and there were no presence of any cyst. I learn today that it is common for cyst to developed after every period. The doctor had also prescribed a self-injection follicle stimulating hormone (FSH) to start immediately; the Humog 150iu and Folliculin 225iu until the next appointment on 23rd February. These injections would need to be taken daily for up to 10 days (or 8 days depending on how the body respond). The nurse did the first injection on the stomach to show how it was to be done. Those injections must be done daily at the same time until the next appointment. 

I was asked to take another semen sample. The Nurse escorted me to a quiet room and gosh... I never knew how hard it was to DIY!! Have not done it for a long time. It seemed impossible to come and after a long struggle, it finally did. Pheww.. Dr Helena prescribed me a pack of supplements to make the sperm more active. I took the followings:

1) Centrum Tab (RM35.97)

2) Bio Quinone Q10 Gold 100mg (RM368.60)

3) Surbex Natopherol 400iu cap (RM52.80)

4) Orange C 500mg Chewable (RM50.80)

I bought the above supplements at the Kuala Lumpur Sports Medicine Centre at the ground floor at the Menara Perintis where the KLFC is located but I discovered the prices there are exorbitant. You can buy the Bio Quinone Q10 Gold at RM205 and Surbex Natopherol at RM35 from the AA Pharmacy in Bangsar.

Excluding the supplement cost RM508 above, the total cost for the day was RM5,500. The first instalment of the full cost.

Day 4 period, Day 2 FSH injections, Tuesday, 20/1/2015. Feeling anxious and nervous, I performed the injection on her. She was excited as she did not feel any pain (I insisted it was my skill). On this second day of injection, she did not feel any side effect and no build in appetite but infact, she lost appetite probably due to feeling nervous and anxious.

Day 5 period, Day 3 FSH injections. Wednesday, 21/1/2015. Anny was in high spirit without any side effect or mood swing. She even went to exercise with the Les Mill Body Jam dancing in the evening and performed the hormone injection herself as I was caught in meetings. She was surprise as she did not feel any pain (now she knew it wasn't my skill ceh) and had overcome the phobia of needle. Infact, she was having fun with the needles.

Day 6 period, Day 4 FSH injections. Thursday 22/01/2015. Looking at Anny having fun with the needles, I could not help but want a piece of it. I took the needle, pinched her stomach and injected her. Anny did not feel any pain and was no longer scared. She was still in high spirit and in fact, she was in better mood. There were no side effect and she was doing great. She is even more active and was cooking all types of meal for me and Aaraf. Contrary to many write-up on the expected weight and size gain with ICSI, Anny had not put on any weight.

Day 7 period, Day 5 FSH injection, Friday, 23/1/2015. Our consultation was with Dr Helena. She scanned and was very pleased with the 10 eggs which were ready to be harvested. 10 eggs are good. With too many eggs, there is higher possibility of water retention and the quality of eggs may be affected. I think it can also endanger the body.

The doctor stopped the Folliculin but continued with the Humog and started another injection Orgalutran 0.25mg to prevent premature ovulation. The nurse warned Anny that the new injection may sting abit. Now Anny need to inject herself twice a day; one in the morning and another at night at approximately the same time. Depending on the response, this injections would need to be taken up to 5 days. Anny felt abit fatigue and sleepy the whole of today probably the first side effect from the whole procedures. She fell asleep on the sofa the soonest we arrived home from hospital.

Total cost today was RM5,000. The second instalment.

Day 8 period, Day 6 injections. Saturday, 24/1/2015 & 

Day 9 period, Day 7 injections. Sunday 25/1/2015. Anny did not have any side effect and was very concern that the ICSI is not working. She did not put on weight nor size. Her spirit was still high and good.

Day 10 period, Day 8 injections. Monday, 26/1/15. We went back to Dato Dr. Prashant. We arrived at the clinic at 1140am and met Dr Prashant at 1 pm. The queue with Dr Prashant is always longer as everyone wants to see him but we did not mind waiting as it is nearing the D-day for harvesting the eggs. Dr Prashant scan and check the eggs and was pleased with its sizes and scheduled for harvesting on Wednesday, 28 January morning. Today will be the last day for injection at 730pm. Anny will have to fast from 12 midnight tomorrow and be at the hospital at 7am for the eggs collection. We both had a cocktails of feeling from nervous, happiness, anxious etc.

Day 11 period, Day 9 injections. Tuesday, 27/1/2015. Today is the first day without any injection but Anny was still on pills in the morning and evening. Anny had the time for herself today as I was bogged down with a long meeting the whole day. Her appetite was healthy. She had glass noodle salad for lunch and porridge for dinner. She went to bed early at 9pm but woke up almost every hour. We were very excited for the eggs harvesting tomorrow.

Day 12 period, Harvesting the eggs. Wednesday, 28/1/2015. We woke up early at 530 am for this important day. Anny fast since midnight last night and we have to be at the hospital by 645am so we can checked in at 7am and the procedures to collect the eggs is scheduled at 730am.

At the hospital, Anny had to put on a the surgery gown. Then a nurse come to insert the needle in her vein. The nurses and staff at the admission centre were all friendly. At 730am the nurse brought Anny to the operation theatre. There were 5 nurses and Dr Prashant in the room. I was asked to wait in the recovery room. Anny said, one of the nurses chit chatted with her while another injected some medication through the needle in her arm. Anny fell asleep and was completely knocked out.

In the recovery room, I was getting restless. I walk around the room and 15 minutes later, Anny in bed, was pushed into the recovery room. Done, said the nurse!! That was quick!

Anny opened her eyes and asked what happen upon seeing me by her side. I said, its done. Now its my turn to produce my semen to be immediately fertilised with the freshly collected eggs. I went to the 6th floor and the nurse escorted me to the small quiet room... again!! After producing the semen and passing it to the lab, I was told the Doctor managed to harvest 10 eggs and they will immediately fertilise the eggs.

After 2 hours in the recovery room, Anny signed a few papers and we wanted to leave.  I was happy as I wanted to attend the launching of MAXIS fitness year 2015 where my Chief's Original Bootcamp (COBC) was the collaborative partner. I wanted to be there at the launching as it was an important milestone for COBC. As we walk out from the room, at the reception counter Anny called me and said that she was feeling a bit drowsy. Then she fainted in my arms which forced me to the floor. Two of the nurses came to help but they both could not carry my 56kg wife. Fortunately, I had years of training and is a Delta at the COBC. With one arm under her shoulder and another under her knees akin of carrying a big Alpha Strong Sandbag, I carried her into the recovery room ala hero hindustan.

Anny woke up and found herself in bed and did not know what had happened. After being told by the nurse of how I became the white knight, I got a few free kisses. Anny said, she felt similar to when she was in the operating theatre where she was knocked out and found herself in bed in the recovery room. That was Anny's second incident where she had fainted. Once, while she was in primary school morning assembly.

When Anny fainted, the two nurses seemed panicked and helpless. When asked, the nurse told they never had any patients whom fainted at the hospital during their employment there. Anny is now listed in the hospital's book of record being the first patient whom fainted. Her blood pressure was very low at 80/47. She was on 2 bags of Hartman solution to raise the blood pressure. My mother came to the hospital upon hearing the news that Anny fainted. She waited with Anny while I went out for a quick lunch. I haven't eaten anything at all the whole morning. Thank god Ibu came.

At 2pm, after being in the recovery room for 6 hours, we went back to the 6th floor. The doctor scanned to check for any bleeding and all was good. The Doctor prescribed some hormone pills to be inserted into the vagina three times a day to tightened the womb. We then went back home and Anny was down bedridden with a severe stomach pain. She had too little food after fasting the whole night for this morning's procedure. We were unsure if the pain was from the procedure or from having a gastric but Anny took gastric medication and fell asleep.

Anny was scheduled to have the embryo transfer on Saturday, 31/1/2015.

We paid another instalment of RM5,000.

Day 13 period, Day 1 fertilisation. Thursday, 29/1/2015. Today Anny had a few side effects. The breast was swollen and the nipple changes colour. There was no tummy pain or bloating. Overall health was good. There were no mood swing and she was in high spirit. I brought Anny along with me to our Bootcamp roadshow with MAXIS at Sunway. Anny starting to crave. She wanted to eat spicy food, but the doctor had repeatedly reprimanded her from eating spicy and hot food or any food that will upset the stomach. Anny religiously consumed her medication. 

We called the hospital to inquire on the fertilised eggs. We were connected to someone at the lab whom informed us that we have 10 fertilised eggs but it is only on the 3rd day of fertilisation, that we can know the quality grades of the embryos. Theoretically, now Anny is the mother of 10 unborn children. We were in cloud 9. If this pregnancy work, the age of the pregnancy is calculated from the fertilised eggs.. today.

Day 14 period, Day 2 fertilisation. Friday, 30/1/2015. Feeling great and overwhelmed with the news of having 10 fertilised eggs, Anny went to exercise at the gym with Zumba dance class. Anny found solace in dancing whether its Zumba or Bodyjam, she will release any tense and kill time with dancing and music. At times, she felt lost having to sacrificed her dancing exercise to get pregnant but the willpower to be a mother supersede anything else.

Day 15 period, Day 3 fertilisation. Embryo Transfer. Saturday, 31/1/2015. Today is the most importantly day. The embryo transfer is a simple procedure done in the laboratory procedure room where the embryo is inserted into the uterine cavity. It is a day surgery and I can be in the operation theatre. We woke up and had some breakfast. Anny drank a whole bottle of 1.5 litre (from the recommended 3 glass of water) which is a must-do procedure for the insertion.

I was excited but have not been feeling well the past 2 weeks. I had lost appetite and have been feeling fatigue probably due to work overload. This year started with a hectic schedule. Some says the husband can feel the wife's agony and that may be true too. 

We arrived at the hospital at 8am and was asked to changed into the surgery gown. Anny was escorted into the operation theatre and the nurse scan Anny's bladder to see if it was full (with water). The nurse said Anny had too much water and had to pee out some!!?? Anny has been holding her pee the whole morning and now she had to pee out some but not all? I laughed and wonder how this can be done. After peeing half bladder, Anny went back unto the operation table and Dr Prashant entered the room. Dr Prashant explained that we have 10 embryos but only 5 had mature. 2 will be inserted today and three will be frozen at -100 degrees (Wow that is cold). The lab will monitor the balance 5 as some embryo do mature on day 4 or day 5. 

Dr Prashant further explained that there is a 60% chances of success during this first attempt but if it does not work out, there is higher chance on second attempt.

When Dr Prashant was about to start, Anny felt really awkward and embarrass. She covered her face with both hands while the Doctor inserted the embryos. I held her hand and assured Anny that there is nothing to feel shy and to be relax so Dr Prashant can perform his task. Everything was done in barely 10 minutes. Anny then went to the toilet to empty her bladder and rested for 15 minutes while I paid the embryo freezing fees RM1650 per annum for the first year and RM1,100 per year for the subsequent year(s). 

Anny was all smiley and happy at the thought of having twins inside her.  We plan to have 2 twins and complete our family of 5 children with Aaraf. Having a big family is my dream come true. We then slowly walked back to the car heading for home. Anny walked very slowly as she was afraid the embryo may drop out but actually it wont. Doctor advised for Anny to be rested in bed for two days and after that, she can freely move around and have some light exercise.

Day 16 period, Day 4 fertilisation, Day 1 Embryo transfer. Sunday, 1/2/2015. Anny was back to her normal self without any side effect or mood swing. Infact she was in high spirit cooking a few times a day. She sleeps and eat well with alot of vegetable to avoid constipation. She also monitors and regularly consumed her medicine. 

Day 17 period, Day 5 fertilisation, Day 2 Embryo transfer. Monday 2/2/2015. Anny felt abit bloated and craving for salted fish. She ate salted fish like how I chew chewing gums all day. She had to chew and must have the salted fish in her mouth at all time as that made her feels better. She also craved for anything sour and regularly bought preserved fruits from Ikano. She ate the whole box of preserved fruits and still craved for more.

Her daily hobby was to google and read blogs (mostly Thai blogs) on ICSI and pregnancy. She read from Thai website that she should consumed egg white to reduce the feeling of bloating so she start eating them but it did not work. I did not notice her tummy had grew but she insisted her tummy had double up in size.

She also feels hungry all the time and she did not believe me that the hunger was due to the salted fish. Fortunately, he cravings were only in healthy food such as yong tau foo, fried morning glory, boiled eggs and steam boat.

Day 18 period, Day 6 fertilisation, Day 3 Embryo Transfer, Tuesday, 3/2/2015. Anny felt her tummy was even bigger today. She could not eat much as she felt uncomfortable after eating. She dragged me a few times to the Ikano to buy the preserved fruits and finished them all instantly. At home, she will be munching on salted fishes. Just the salted fish without any rice or meals. If she cannot eat the salted fish, she will feel like crying. Her cravings became worst. She would eat non stop but only her kind of food and nothing weird or extraordinary (Pheww).

Today, she began feeling abit moody and jumpy. She felt uncomfortable every time she eats and walking was difficult. She had crams and pain in her tummy.

Day 19 period, Day 7 fertilisation, Day 4 Embryo transfer. Wednesday, 4/2/15. She still feels bloated and cannot move around properly. She can hardly walk without having pain or crams in her stomach. She felt sleepy and tired all the time probably the withdrawal syndrome from her daily thick and rich coffee intake. She ate regularly but could not eat much every time. She does not have any constipation, diarrhoea or nausea and no blood spotting.

Day 20 period, Day 8 fertilisation, Day 5 Embryo Transfer. Thursday, 5/2/2015. She felt alot better today without any bloated, cramps or other side effects. She can walk without any pain and did not feel suffocated after every meals as if there is nothing in her stomach. She felt light and normal. Anny began fearing her pregnancy had failed and started googling, reading, googling and reading endlessly researching if her pregnancy was Ok. She does not have any symptoms of pregnancy.

Her endless reading on Internet confuses her even more. There was no straight answers to her questions. She read more and more and keep asking me if I think she is still pregnant. I knew she is fearing the worst and calmed her down but it did not help. She began to have depression although I assured her she should be thankful that all the symptoms were gone.

Against the Doctor's advised, secretly she went to the mall, bought a pregnancy test and tested it immediately in the toilet at the mall. The confusion was killing her and the instant pregnancy test result was negative. Weirdly, she felt better although it was negative. She simply does not have the patience for waiting. (I only knew this as I write this blog and reading her journals today!! Darling!!! *Spank!).

The night, Anny started a new hormone pill. She felt dizzy and drowsy after taking the pills.

Day 21 period, Day 9 fertilisation, Day 6 Embryo transfer. Friday, 6/2/15. Anny is more depress without feeling any early symptoms of pregnancy. She read from the blogs and googling, many successful pregnancy came with early symptoms. Some would feel pain in the tummy akin of a period pain but she had no pain or any symptoms at all. Secretly, she tested herself again with a pregnancy stick and the result was still negative.

Feeling even more depress, Anny was almost assured that her pregnancy had failed. I cheered her up and said its ok if it failed, we can go back to her hometown and see her parents, sisters, niece and nephew in Bangkok yada yada... 

The more she is depress, the more she reads blogs and articles on internet and the more she reads, the more depressed she became. She had also lost appetite.

Day 22 period, Day 10 fertilisation, Day 7 Embryo transfer. Saturday, 7/2/2015. Anny woke up feeling sad and depress. When asked, she would reply in a sad tone, "I feel very normal". I cheered her up saying she should be thankful that she does not have any side effect or any morning sickness or any symptoms. Every women reacts differently to pregnancy.

She then told me her little secret that she has been testing herself everyday for already 3 days and the results were all negative. I giggled, that is expected. Even the Doctor and nurses said not to test herself with a pregnancy stick and to wait for the blood test scheduled on 12 February.

I brought her along to every meeting and every places I went. If I left her alone at home, she will be stuck infront of the computer reading blogs and articles on ICSI and get even more depress. In between my meetings, I would walk out to see Anny who waits for me at the coffee house. She looks happier and told me that she read a few blogs and articles (reading again?!!! Grrr...) on her hand phones and there are many instances of successful pregnancy without any side effect or symptoms. This positive articles gave her hope and pulled her through the day awaiting the next 5 days for the beta HCG blood test to confirmed pregnancy.

Day 23 period, Day 11 fertilisation, Day 8 Embryo Transfer. Sunday, 8/2/2015. Anny's depression came back and she cant stop wondering if she can be pregnant with twins. She really wanted twins and wants to get pregnant. She began to lost hope and her imagination ran wild. To be pregnant to her is like winning a lottery. She felt it was almost impossible. She started coughing and having symptoms of fever. She started getting worried thinking her coughing will flush out her embryo.

Day 24 period, Day 12 fertilisation, Day 9 Embryo Transfer. Monday, 9/2/15 - NO RECORD

Day 25 period, Day 13 fertilisation, Day 10 Embryo Transfer. Tuesday, 10/2/15. Anny had high fever, coughing and been having hot flushes. Her whole body was aching and she began having bad cramps in her tummy. She said she felt as if someone was pinching hard her inside abdomen. It pains me to see her in agony but she was back in high spirit. She wanted to feel something akin of being pregnant and having no feeling of pregnancy was killing her. The fever, the cramping, the pinching inside her stomach, the muscle and aching bones (symptoms of fever) brought her back to life.

Day 26 period, Day 14 fertilisation, day 11 Embryo Transfer. Wednesday, 11/2/2015. Anny was all restless. She was checking the clock every minute waiting for the day to end  so she can wake up and do the blood test to confirm her pregnancy. She was nervous, anxious and scared of the result and wanted to get it over and done with.

Her fever was worst today but she looks happier and she felt happier with all the symptoms she was having. She was on panadol every 4 hours because her temperature keep rising every time the panadol effect wore off. Anny lost her appetite again and was not eating well. She can only eat Somtum. She had bad cramps in her stomach the whole day.

At night, both of us could not sleep. We were too eager for the blood test. 

Day 27 period, Day 15 fertilisation, Day 12 Embryo Transfer. Beta HCG Blood Test. Thursday, 12/2/2015. Its the most awaited day. Today Anny will have her beta HCG blood tested to confirm the pregnancy. I assured Anny that whatever the result will be, it does not matter. If we fail this attempt, we will do it again. If we are successful, we should be thankful but Anny was not so confident though her body language shows she began to have the panic attack again.

We arrived at the clinic at 9am and the nurse saw Anny holding a pack of asam. The nurse asked if she is feeling any morning sickness which should be a good sign. Anny replied, "Oh how I wished!"... no morning sickness. The nurse then passed us a form for the blood test and directed for us to go for the blood test and wait at home. The nurse will call once the result is out and if the result is positive, we need to be back at the clinic to get more medication.

After the blood test, we headed back home. We were both silent in the car probably with our minds wondering very far away.. expecting the outcome of the blood test. At home, we were both restless. Anny kept peeping me at work every 10 minutes asking me to call the hospital for the result. I had to calmed her down to say it is not 2 hours yet.

I called the nurse after 2 hours and the nurse said she needs to get confirmation from the doctor and she will call back in 5 minutes. Anny was getting more restless and went to the kitchen to cook lunch. After lunch, I asked Anny to go change and we should go to hospital feeling very positive. Anny refused and lay in bed feeling fatigue due to the suspense in waiting. I insisted for her to go and change so we can head straight to the hospital but Anny somehow felt that the pregnancy had failed and only wanted confirmation that it is negative so she can move on with her life.

Shortly later, the hand phone rang.. and it was the hospital. I passed the phone to Anny and her first word was.. am I pregnant?

I could not hear their conversation but Anny was screaming, jumping with tears and hugged me. She said the blood test confirmed the pregnancy!!

Anny's biggest fear and nightmare was now gone. Her eyes were glowing and to see her so happy, I

was out of word. It was like Anny's first miracle. We immediately drove to the hospital and upon arrival, all the nurses were smiling at us. I screamed, "hey, aren't you going to congratulate us?" and all the nurses came and congratulate us both. most of the nurses became our friends from the many visits. The Beta HCG count was only 78 which was a borderline but according to the nurses it was normal for the count to be 78. It can be a delayed effect. The doctor wanted another blood test done on Monday. The Beta HCG should double up every 72 hours and our count should be close to 200 by then to assure a healthy pregnancy.

After being prescribed with more medications, we left home. Anny started having all the pregnancy symptoms again. She also started farting alot.. she said its pregnancy symptoms.. Eeekk. 

I quickly broke the news the soonest Aaraf finishes school and Aaraf was so happy to be promoted soon, as Abang!! 

Cost for today's consultation, blood test and medication - RM420.00

Day 28 period, Day 16 fertilisation, Day 13 Embryo Transfer. Day 1 first Beta HCG  Blood Test (78). Friday, 13/2/2015.

Anny had a bad cramps and needle pain in her stomach all day but she was happy and in high spirit. She woke up at 530am craving for Thai noodle green curry. I brought her to have the meal as breakfast and went to work. She went out alone to the grocers and after a few hours of slience, I was worried and called her. She was at the Chicken rice shop.. hungry!!hehee.. second cravings for the day.

When she reaches home she had bought a fruits bouquet for Ibu whom sponsored our ICSI. We went to see Ibu at her house to pass her the fruit bouquet and sat for a chat. It has been awhile since we last sat down and chat. We used to have my parents over at our house every Wednesday for a steamboat dinner but we haven't done that since we came back from our Europe trip. We were combating the jet lag for half of January and spend the other half undergoing the ICSI.

Day 29 period, Day 17 fertilisation, Day 14 Embryo Transfer. Day 3 first Beta HCG  Blood Test (78). Saturday, 14/2/2015.

Its Valentine's Day and we celebrated it in the bed. Anny was down with high fever and flu and I was feeling abit under the weather. We stayed in bed watching series the whole day. Anny had abdominal cramp and tender breast. With the fever and flu, Anny started to panic and worried again for the safety of her embryo.

Day 30 period, Day 18 fertilisation, Day 15 Embryo Transfer. Day 4 first Beta HCG Blood Test (78). Sunday, 15/2/2015.

Counting down for tomorrow's 2nd blood test was a nightmare! Anny was still down with high fever and was coughing non-stop. She went to the pharmacy and asked for a pregnant-friendly cough syrup. Her stomach cramps had stopped and every time her symptoms disappeared, she will be very worried.

Day 31 period, Day 19 fertilisation, Day 16 Embryo Transfer. Day 5 first Beta HCG Blood Test (78). Monday, 16/2/2015.

I brought Anny and she had her blood test at 930am. We came back home after the blood test as I had a lot of paperwork to complete. Anny bugged me every half an hour and insisted that I called the hospital at 1230pm. I called but the nurse said the result was not out yet. At 130pm, Anny insisted that I called again and again, the nurse said she will call us back soon. Anny was getting even more restless and she could not do anything. She was worried of her unborn baby. She sat at the table staring at the hand phone waiting for it to ring. The hand phone rang at 2 pm and the result was not encouraging at 97.3

After 4 days, Anny's Beta HCG count should have increased by 150% or at least 200. The nurse scheduled to meet Dr Prashant on 17 February. Anny was broken to learn of her hormone count. Her past reading on blogs and websites dictate a bad sign of pregnancy with that count. I was numb but did not lost hope. I have seen a few miracles in my life and I believe in faith and Allah swt.

Anny lost her appetite again. Me too. Suddenly we felt lost and did not know what to do. 

Cost for today's blood test - RM90.00

Day 32 period, Day 20 fertilisation, Day 17 Embryo Transfer. Day 5 first Beta HCG (78). Day 1 second Beta HCG. Tuesday, 17/2/2015.

We went to see Dr Prashant whom then explained that there are a few causes for this low hormone. Dr Prashant said a pregnancy is unlikely with the low count but he did not rule out pregnancy just yet. He wanted to give it another day by doing another blood test to give a chance for the hormone to double up. If the test displayed a stagnant count, there is a small 1:300 chance of ectopic pregnancy. If the count dropped, it means the pregnancy did not work out. We were asked to come back for another blood test tomorrow as a final confirmation.

We both felt lost but still with high hope. A miracle do happen. Anny went back home without having any mood to talk or do anything. She lay in bed feeling dizzy and fatigue. This whole month has been challenging and taxing her energy. She prayed for her hormone to grow and double up for tomorrow's final blood test.

Day 32 period, Day 20 fertilisation, Day 17 Embryo Transfer. Day 5 first Beta HCG (78). Day 1 second Beta HCG. Tuesday, 17/2/2015.

We took the blood sample at 9am and went for breakfast to kill time. Dr Prashant wanted to see us 2 hours after the blood test. We really had no expectation from this consultation but prayed for a miracle. 

We arrived back at the hospital at 1230pm and after 5 minutes of waiting, we were escorted to the consultation room. The mood was sombre. Dr Prashant walked into the consultation room holding a piece of paper. He look at us and reads our the beta HCG count. The count dropped to 67.4.

I was numb and had a flashed back to that day when the doctor informed of my leukaemia relapse back in 1994. I was all alone then. I felt a sudden cold sweat and my face felt warm with hot flushes. I was lost in thought for a moment and could not look at my wife. If I felt broken, she must be feeling worst. I cannot imagine the agony that she went through the whole month both physically and mentally. I do not know if we have the energy or the strength to go through it again.

Dr Prashant confirmed its a miscarriage and affirmed, the miscarriage was not due to Anny's body, her food or activities. The miscarriage was due to bad embryos and it was the nature's way for the body to reject the bad embryos. Dr Prashant asked Anny to stop all medications and to expect her period by end week on Friday. This period will be more painful than the normal menstruation as it is a miscarriage.

Dr Prashant said, we have 5 embryos frozen. Three embryos were frozen the day we did the embryo transfer. One embryo matured on day 4 of fertilisation and another embryo on day 5. We had used two embryos and three were lost. We can schedule for another insertion after 2 menstrual cycle which is in April.

I went back and broke the news to Aaraf whom was looking forward to the Abang in the family and raise his siblings. Aaraf did not take it well too. He was as sad and broken which broke my heart even more.

We arrived home feeling knackered, mentally exhausted, fatigue and was lost of words. Every dream and every thought of wanting children felt thinner and farther. The whole episode drained all our energy but we leave everything to the Almighty for only He who knows what is best for us, Allah Huakbar.

Until April, Stay Tuned.